Recipe for a Happy Marriage:
FACT or FICTION?

If you go on the internet and search for the term recipe for a happy marriage, you’ll find all sorts of cutesy wedding sites listing actual “recipes” for a happy marriage. You’ll find ‘ingredients’ like “1 cup courtesy”, a dash of humor, a sprinkle of in-laws and so on.

In an idealistic world, you could pass a recipe for a happy marriage on to friends who would put it together and ‘create’ a happy marriage. But of course this world is not ideal. What most people are probably searching for is actually more of an “action plan”…than a recipe.

Action plans are different than recipes. They are personalized…like a blueprint. If you’re really looking for an action plan, then great - I’ll lay it on the table for you. (But I’m sorry to say, I don’t do recipes – Actually, I can’t even cook! ;-)

Consider this your Marriage Action Plan

This recipe for a happy marriage (a.k.a. Marriage Action Plan) is based on the program I developed that helps individuals and couples stop a divorce - even AFTER the papers have been filed.

STEP 1: Find out where you are on the Secret Path to Divorce

After working with couples for over 12 years, I noticed a pattern that ALL couples travel when they are headed toward divorce. I call this ‘pattern’ The Secret Path to Divorce. It starts with a couple entering a marriage with Ultimate Expectations of each other and ends with a frustrated man or woman crossing the “Point of No Return”.

So the first action to take is to:

1. Determine whether or not you can save your marriage.

...and...

2. Find out exactly WHERE you are on this dangerous path.

If you’ve crossed the “Point of No Return”, it may be too late to save your marriage. This free report will help you decide.

To get the 10-page Special Report for FREE, click here.

STEP 2: Identify Which “Country” You’re from

I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “Huh? What does my country have to do with my marriage? Well let me tell you….EVERYTHING. But it’s NOT the kind of country you’re thinking of.

You see, over the years, I’ve discovered that there are 4 different kinds of people in the world. I’ve created a PDF file for you to download so you can get a better understanding of each of the 4 countries.

I drew each of the characters myself based on 27 years of researching these people. Once you know what to look for, you’ll be identifying the countries of your family, friends and coworkers. It’s a quick and easier way to understand people.

You can download the Free PDF here.

I’ll go into a brief description of each of the 4 countries, but if you want the WHOLE story, you can read about it in my book Softhearted Woman Hard World.

I have every couple read this book that I take through the Environment Changer Program because of the positive results this book has shown in helping caring, compassionate and sensitive women get along with their strong-willed, direct and impatient husbands.

(It also works for the opposite scenario too. A strong-willed wife and a laid back, sensitive husband.)

Okay, back to the 4 countries…

Let’s start with FUN Country

People from FUN country smile often, are VERY sociable and need to go out and do something with people instead of staying home alone.

What causes conflict in their marriages- One issue that causes conflict in FUN people’s marriages is when they marry someone who is NOT social. If you ARE married to someone from FUN country, realize that they NEED to be around people.

Don’t be offended that they would rather go out with friends than stay at home and watch a movie with you. THIS IS THEIR NATURE…it’s what makes them happy.

Another area of conflict is that FUN people seem to be irresponsible. This creates resentment in their spouse because they feel the “burden of responsibilities” is entirely on them.

Next is CONTROL country

These people are very direct and to the point when they talk. It’s difficult for them to listen if they feel someone isn’t getting to the point. They are results driven and put great value in accomplishment. They are often great leaders…when others choose to follow them.

What causes conflict in their marriages- Because CONTROL people tend to be impatient; they can become angry when their spouse doesn’t do things as quickly as they’d like….or the way they would like.

If you’re married to someone from CONTROL country, GIVE THEM APPRECIATION for all they do. One Important Note: ASK them to do things. Don’t TELL them. (Believe me, my wife is from CONTROL country and she HATES when people tell her to do things, she’d much rather be ASKED.)

The People from PEACE country

These people avoid conflict at all costs and want very much to get along with everyone. You can identify these people easily because the expression on their face rarely changes. PEACE people are happier with a quiet evening than a night on the town.

What causes conflict in their marriages- PEACE people plan what they’re going to do before jumping into an activity. If you’re married to one of these people and you like to be spontaneous rather than planning your every move, you’ll end up upsetting your spouse.

Their reaction won’t be yelling though. Instead, they will either walk away or simply ignore you. In fact, that’s a common problem PEACE people face in their marriages - their spouse wants to deal with issues on the spot and head on, while PEACE people would rather avoid conflict altogether.

Finally…PERFECT country

No, they are not “perfect.” Everyone from PERFECT country is still “human” but these people are in the endless pursuit of perfection. Perfect country residents NEED sensitivity to their feelings.

What causes conflict in their marriages- PERFECT people have strong ideals and the desire for things to be RIGHT. If things go wrong, they can get quite upset. Since PERFECT people are easily hurt by the most innocent comments, they tend to remember negative events for extended periods of time.

So when they marry someone from CONTROL country who might be very direct in their language, they often struggle with issues over the PERFECT person’s sensitivity level vs. the CONTROL person’s insensitivity to his/her spouses’ feelings.

Here’s the point: If conflict is an everyday occurrence in your marriage, step back and think about WHY these arguments are happening in the first place. Remember, the 4 countries are very different. The quickest way to resolve these conflicts is to ask yourself these questions:

1. What country is my spouse is from?

2. What are the REAL issues in our marriage?

3. Could this conflict be happening because the two of us don’t understand each other’s countries, values and ways?

STEP 3: Discover Your INVISIBLE LIFESTYLE

Read the FREE Special Report, “Your Invisible Lifestyle…Is it Helping or Hurting Your Marriage?” This report is the other half of the 2-part solution you can use to find the REAL source of the conflicts in your marriage.

The first step is to understand your spouse and have them understand you, and the second is discussing your values and beliefs.

Get this free report to find the source of the conflict in your marriage. If you follow this 3-step recipe for a happy marriage or as I call it, your marriage building action plan, you’ll notice a positive difference in your marriage.

Remember, these three steps are not a definite “recipe for a happy marriage” because there is still a chance they may not work for everyone.

Those couples, who are so far along on the Secret Path to Divorce, can’t even bring themselves to take the first step in improving their marriage. So even a clearly defined “recipe for a happy marriage” or a 3-step action plan like the one I just laid out for you won’t work with those couples who are too far along on the Secret Path to Divorce.

If this is true of your situation, the Environment Changer program can help you transform your marriage, even when your spouse is completely unwilling to participate in any way.

No long counseling sessions, no “stress relieving drugs”, just the same, simple tools and techniques that I used to save my own marriage.

To get more information, go to the Stop Your Divorce website.

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