Hi, I'm Larry Bilotta. I was in a bad marriage for 27 years and I know what it’s like to not know who or where to turn to for help. So if I were you, I’d be wondering, "who's the guy behind this website and why should I listen to him?"
And I don't blame you.
The internet can be a very *unfriendly* way to meet and interact with people. Sometimes it’s hard to know who to trust on the internet since nearly anyone can conceal their identity and hide behind their computer.
That’s one of the reasons why I created this ‘about me’ page on this site. I think it’s important you see that there’s an actual person behind all the articles on this website.
The other reason I’m doing this is because I want you to know why a man like me, without much formal education, is qualified to give you advice on your marriage.
So let me begin by saying that I spent YEARS of my life searching for a foolproof way to save my bad marriage. I read each and every self-help book I could get my hands on and even went to several marriage retreats....by myself.
(My wife flat out REFUSED to participate in any program that would help us save our marriage.)
I am dedicated to giving you the most practical and useful information on the net that will tell you exactly what you need to do to save your marriage…with or without participation from your spouse.
When you realize how I arrived at this insight, hopefully you'll be inspired by my story and take the necessary steps to save your marriage as well.
So who am I and why am I qualified to help you?
Well let me start by saying that I am not a clinical psychologist or a certified counselor who follows the age old “text book” way to save bad marriages.
Nope. I KNOW I can help you save YOUR marriage because I’ve already saved MY marriage using the methods I created during my own exceedingly bad marriage.
And today, I’m proud to say that I am still happily married, now for 36 years.
But this wasn’t always the case. Back in 1974 shortly after I met my wife, I knew very little about what it takes to have a successful and happy marriage.
In fact, I knew VERY LITTLE about who my wife REALLY was!
When I first met my wife Marsha, she was quiet and mysterious. But it wasn't until I married her that I discovered how powerful this woman was, and how insecure I was.
Our marriage was NEVER a conventional relationship. We went into our marriage with NO IDEA of what was in store for us. No planning, no preparation; nothing.
….it went sort of like this…
We were driving around one day and my wife Marsha said "So what are we going to do?" I said "About what?" She replied, "Well, are we going to get married or what?" I said "Sure, we can get married.....I guess."
(We'd known each other only seven months)
Marsha replied "When?" I said "Well, how about Tuesday?" She came back with "Ok, call City Hall and find out what time we have to be there."
Tuesday morning, we drove downtown, walked into City Hall, found the judge, had the 5 minute ceremony, got our paperwork and drove home.
We had no shower, no big wedding, no gifts; nothing. Marsha was definitely not the kind of woman that wanted the wedding most women dream about.
At that point in my life, I was truly in for a RUDE AWAKENING.
I now affectionately refer to the first 6 years of our marriage as the “Nightmare Years.” This dreadful period began only one month after we were married.
I was jolted into the fact of how LITTLE we had in common and how OPPOSITE our values were. These were the years that consisted of fighting, throwing things, screaming and arguing about EVERYTHING.
There were our trips to police stations, car chases and the battles of her way vs. my way. (And no, I'm not exaggerating.)
We were enemies living together under one roof. And frankly, she scared me.
She made it crystal clear that no matter what I did, she would never let me go. Marsha believed that the grass is never greener on the other side and marriage is forever no matter how "unhappy" you are.
Marsha's beliefs and values were impossible for me to handle because prior to Marsha, I always ran away from relationships that became too demanding.
Now I found myself in the most demanding one of all.
During the next 11 years of our bad marriage together I began to learn about "Marsha Law", which is a lot like Marshal Law where government is given all authority to control the population.
"Marsha Law" was meant to control me. She had rules for everything. There was the Marsha way and the wrong way. I loved the wrong way.
At this time in our marriage, I didn't understand the significant effect that our values had on our marriage.
These “clashing value systems” were causing us to collide on a regular basis, but today, I use this profound truth to help many couples realize the source of a lot of their tension.
Marsha's constant demand that I become both responsible and disciplined created an unbelievable amount of pressure upon me.
As a child, my parents lived an irresponsible lifestyle that was much unlike the values that Marsha was raised with. I grew up without a responsible role model in sight. As a result of this, I had become quite the irresponsible adult.
Marsha and I both ended up in the kitchen late one night and she suddenly decided to ‘break the silence barrier’ and tell me about her childhood experiences in depth and great detail.
Since she has "total recall" of her entire life, she was able to show me, incident by incident, how each of her childhood experiences literally created the strong willed adult she had become.
She also made me realize how my own childhood produced the irresponsible, undisciplined adult that I had become; one who was constantly seeking the approval of others no matter what it cost my family.
It was through Marsha's stories that I learned how every childhood event instills powerful belief systems that activate in adult life.
I discovered that only when you identify and compare BOTH you and your spouses values, can you even BEGIN to understand each other and resolve the major issues in your marriage.
But here’s the bottom line that I don’t want you to miss…My wife and I STILL HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON.
We have completely OPPOSITE VALUES, yet we are happily married today because of the key concepts I learned from our relationship together….
…the SAME concepts I’ll be teaching you about on this website! with any questions, comments or suggestions you have. I’ll personally answer it myself.
And be sure to come back to the site periodically because each week, I’ll be adding new articles, tips and tools to help you improve your marriage.
You might want to bookmark this site (control + b) so you don’t miss any of the latest tips you can use to actually SEE a difference in your marriage.
To a less stressful and more fulfilling marriage,
ABOUT LARRY BILOTTA
Larry Bilotta has been teaching couples how to restore their loveless marriages since 1995. Back in the 90's, Larry was suffering MISERABLY in a loveless marriage.
He needed a way to reduce the stress, anxiety and tension in his marriage. Not because he was devoted to his wife, but because he needed to maintain his own SANITY.
Needless to say, Larry set out on a mission to find a REAL solution to their ongoing struggles. And after 27 years of misery - he finally found it. Today, Larry and his wife have been happily married for over 40 years...and they're closer than ever.
Larry is one of the few marriage experts who actually transformed his OWN marriage and today, holds the key to bringing back a marriage from the brink of divorce - even AFTER the papers have been filed.
At the core of Larry's teachings is his "secret method" that allows individuals to transform themselves from the inside out, and positively influence their spouse as a result. By learning to eliminate their negative feelings in just 60 seconds, Larry has taught individual spouses how to completely change the environment of the marriage through his Environment Changer program for the past 15 years.
Larry Bilotta is the author of his most recent book, “Softhearted Woman Hard World", a guide for women who want to stop feeling guilty and just be themselves.